What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

One thing that terrified me the most—and still does—is surgery.

I have had several surgeries in my life. One of them was a minor dental surgery that took about two hours to pull out my teeth (and even the doctor was exhausted).

I also had to sign a form explaining that I agreed to the surgery by my own choice, which scared me a little too.

Being in Labor, One of My Biggest Fears

Not when I was pregnant—but when I was due for several days, it really started to freak me out. I was going to be in labor.

I hated it—being heavily pregnant—and it wasn’t easy to admit that out loud. I hated how hard it was to get up (from bed, after sujood, and from using the toilet). I hated that I was hungry most of the time, to the point where I couldn’t sleep because I was hungry (at 3 a.m.!). I also couldn’t roll over in bed.

It scared me to the point that I wanted to run away. But I couldn’t, of course. I was carrying the baby, and there was no way to get him out without my participation.

At that time, I wasn’t speaking to my mother, so I couldn’t ask her about it (even though she’s a doctor). My husband was also very sure that I should go through normal labor.

However, the doctor checked my condition and said my blood pressure was high. That meant we needed to perform a caesarean surgery.

The Labor Process and Having to Face Fear

After long hours at the hospital—checking my blood pressure, seeing another doctor for a second opinion, and finding a hospital that could perform the surgery—the procedure was scheduled for Monday, May 16th, 2016.

Hours before the surgery, I was stressed. I calmed down, then became stressed again. Of course, it showed in my blood pressure.

Thanks to the anesthesia, the stress melted away. I felt like I was floating on cloud nine. Suddenly, it didn’t matter that there were men in the operating room (and I wasn’t wearing my hijab). There was a man in his 50s standing beside me, and a team of nurses and doctors working on the other side of my body.

Then I heard a loud baby cry. And I knew—it was him. My son.

He cried so loudly that my husband heard it from outside and thought, “That baby is loud,” not realizing it was his own son.

All the pain, stress, and anxiety disappeared. They vanished the moment the newborn arrived. He stopped crying when the nurse showed him to me and held him close to my face.

Now, the baby is almost 10 years old. Insya Allah, he is active and healthy.

I know I’m not as tough as mothers who have ten children, but I know now that pregnancy and labor are both magical and deeply stressful. And while a caesarean surgery may seem easier during the process, the healing afterward can be much harder.

What’s your biggest fear?